sometimes God has a sense of humor that we can't understand. sometimes we pray for things, believing that we are about to get an immediate answer or the answer that we want, which is typically always yes.
9 times out of 10, we are asking for ourselves instead of those around us. we care more about ourselves and what we want instead of what God wants for us. i know that i am more than guilty of this.
but then something happens and reality slaps you in the face. a loved one is diagnosed with cancer. a close friend dies in a car accident. some greater tragedy comes barreling in like train and we go running to God begging for healing, for peace, or for a miracle just one more time. we pray for answers instead of praying for God's will. we pray for what we want instead of what God wants for us. as much as it hurts, sometimes God's greater purpose is for our lives to having meaning because of Him. our lives are meant to be testaments of His truth not ours.
when I was 10, my aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. it had already spread to her spine. the doctors gave her 6 months. she didn't care. she tried every treatment, every drug, everything the doctors said to because she had faith that God would provide for her exactly as He wanted. after 2 years of treatments, she went into remission. we prayed when she was diagnosed and we prayed on that day too. we thanked God for healing and for peace.
then less than 6 months later, we heard the C word again. tumors had begun to regrow and were more aggressive than before. we all prayed. we prayed for healing. we prayed for a miracle. she had surgery after surgery but at last her body had had too much. she just couldn't fight anymore. when hospice was called in, she didn't know her family. she slept most of the day and when she was awake, she was in constant pain. it is the hardest thing in life to watch someone who was once so strong slowly waste away.
on May 15, 2005, God called my aunt home. i was mad. i was angry. i cried. i threw things. i screamed that it wasn't fair and that God had to give her back. but as we all know, God doesn't work that way.
since then, i have learned a valuable lesson: pray all the time, not just when bad things happen. pray when you're happy, pray when you're sad. pray when things are going good. pray when things are going bad. prayer is not about the answers that God gives to us. He already knows our prayers. the words that we pray are more for our souls than His. it's conversation between a parent and a child who will never say i do told you so.
